Like so many, I grew up thinking, I’ll be happy when ____ happens. When I graduate. When I have my own place. When I get married. Certainly those things did bring joy but never the lasting joy, I thought they would.
In life, these big events are few and far between.
I realized that for these big events to have the impact I wished them to, I needed to change at my core. I needed to be a person who noticed beauty in the mundane. When I enjoyed the smaller moments, I could in turn, enjoy the big ones with longer lasting results.
This is not easy for me. I am not a person who views the world with this little guile. It is a discipline for me. I am not a master by any means, but I do recognize that I am happier when I practice this discipline.
So I invite you into my practice. As I stop to appreciate the great old redwood on my daily walk, a moment with a stranger or with a beloved piece of art. It’s in these moments that I understand myself deeply, that I connect more tightly with my community, and my soul finds rest in God.
As a parent, I am determined to give my sons, a proper film education. My husband and I have been scheduling our own Family Film Festival on Friday nights. We sometimes give in and show the latest kid film but mostly we introduce them to films and genres that we love from the classics.Read More
My whole body is goosebumps as I hear the songs I listened to secretly on my Walkman, late at night as my parents would fight outside my room. These songs made me feel like I wasn’t the only person who thought things weren’t right in this world.Read More
For the past 5 years, I have ran or walked 3 miles nearly every morning at 6am.
It is the same 3 miles. The exact same route. This is just one of the ways my OCD rears it’s head. I used to apologize for it but when you do the same things, the same way, at the same time every day, you begin to notice that others do too. They just don’t publicize it.Read More
These survival skills morphed into actuality as I realized I had learned along the way how to adapt quickly to new situations. I size up situations quickly and adjust accordingly. Always, always act like you belong in the place you find yourself, even if you don’t.Read More
Some of us realize that we just aren’t as dazzling or special as we thought we were going to be, myself included. Life gets in the way. There is always someone prettier, smarter, more successful, someone who shines brighter.Read More
My 5-year-old son and I are sitting side by side on the couch reading. I with Annie Dillard’s An American Childhood, a book I should have read long ago and he another A-Z Mystery. I have a bag of chips on my left and every few pages he raises his hand out, without speaking for another chip. My 7-year-old is elsewhere in the house, probably in the smallest space between two pieces of furniture, curled up with his own book.Read More
This summer will be the 5th that I host a summer time Happy Hour on my deck. As one of the kids who regularly attends put it, “You know, Happy Hour! Where kids play and the grown-ups have a glass of wine”.Read More
If he would have been embarrassed or his eyes filled with tears, my reaction would have been more compassionate. But he was tickled that such a calamity happened! He knew mommy would take care of it.Read More
My precious boy with the name of a gladiator …or a dictator…not sure which. Your father told me your name on our 3rd date. I had the feeling it was a deal breaker for whether or not we’d move forward. I loved the rich history of the name of two of your great-great grandfathers before you.Read More
I started when my boys were quite young.
My sons, 16 months apart, needed me at every 5-minute interval…or both at the same time.
I started to see the days meld into one another, an endless sea of diapers and yoga pants. I needed something, even just one thing to set them apart. Each night before sleep, I’d write that one thing down in my journal. That one thing I could hold on to for that day.Read More
No music. No singing. These were not women who would pat my red head as I passed them by or give me a little squeeze. They didn’t pop a piece of ripe cantaloupe in their mouth as they chopped. They simply cut, chopped, diced, sorted into dixie bowls. This was the morning snack for the Vacation Bible School kids, including me. Fruit I normally would not have a home. Fresh fruit that was not from a tree in our yard was a treat, a luxury. I looked forward to 10am when I’d be passed one of these bowls along with a little plastic fork. Was it duty? Was it a job that needed to be done so they signed up to do it? Was it an act of service to God? Not sure which but with each bite, I felt loved.Read More
Singer song writer, Ryan Adams says "Whenever I’m stuck when I’m writing, I could just put a Smiths record on, and it’s kind of like if my songwriting was an iPhone, it recharges it in like, five minutes.” I understand. The Smiths do the same for me in whatever mood I am feeling.Read More
Staff got used to seeing me and watching the boys grow. In the midst of the isolation and exhaustion that only a Stay-At-Home-Mom of two toddler boys would understand, I was thankful for the few moments of adult conversation as staff would comment on the boys.Read More
The first thing you notice is just how quiet is it. You become self-conscience, aware how loud every thud of your foot hitting the pavement. You are an elephant in a monastery. You take smaller, quieter steps reminding yourself you are not in a rush.Read More